Every one of us knows how great we feel when someone encourages us. The word “encourage” simply means to “put courage into someone.” Everyone needs it but not everyone knows how to give it. The Bible says,
Anxiety weighs a man down but a good word makes him glad.
Prov. 12:25
Below are 5 ways you can start to become an encourager to the people who mean the most to you.
#1 – Support them
All encouragement is not verbal. Much of our encouragement is expressed through our actions. One of the best ways of doing this is to support our significant other in the things that matter to them the most. In doing so, we’re saying without words, “I believe in you and I believe in what you’re aspiring to do.” This is SO important for people to hear especially from the person they desire to hear it from the most. It can be devastating when other people believe in your spouse and they get the sense that you don’t. In some situations we may be the only person who believes in them. And our belief alone has the power to give them the courage to do something they may have previously been afraid to attempt to do. The Bible says, “Love believes all things” (1 Cor. 13:7). In other words, it believes the best about people. Barnabas, a man in the New Testament, believed in the Apostle Paul even though people could not see past his past life as a murderer (Acts 9:26-30). Because of his belief in Paul, Paul went on to be the world’s greatest evangelist and wrote over half of the New Testament. This is the power one person’s belief can have in another person. This type of support includes verbal affirmation, an investment of time, a willingness to get outside of your own interests and genuinely enter into the world of the other person, a positive attitude, and a desire to go above and beyond to help.
#2 Build them up with words
Even the most confident people have insecurities. What they need more than anything is to be verbally affirmed by the people who claim to love them the most. Eph. 4:29 says,
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up…
In other words be intentional about highlighting what they are good at instead of pointing out their flaws. How much do you use your mouth to build up as compared to criticizing? James compares our tongue to that which steers a horse or a ship (Jam. 3:3-5). In other words, although it’s small we have the potential to use it to steer and to direct. Our mouths can be used either positively or negatively to change the very course of someone’s life. If you are married, be sure to praise them publicly each opportunity you have.
#3 – Encourage them with Scripture
Send them an email, text or a voice message with a Bible verse that applies to what you know they are going through that day. It’s one thing for them to hear from you. It’s another thing for them to hear from God through God’s words of encouragement can have a powerful effect on someone’s life. Here are a few examples.
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
Deuteronomy 31:8
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isa. 41:10
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
Zeph. 3:17
#4 – Pray With Them
One thing we are great at is telling people we will pray for them. Something we are halfway decent at is actually praying for them in our quiet times. One thing many Christians are not good at is praying with people. Praying for them is easy because we can do it on our time. Praying with people is an investment of time because it may not be convenient for us to do so at the time. But when we do it can be a powerful way to encourage people. There is a healing effect when people pray God’s will, His word and His promises over your life and remind you of God’s amazing plan for your life at times when you may have lost sight of it. The next time you sense your spouse needs prayer, stop what you are doing and offer to pray with them right then and there. If they are uncomfortable with this then simply remind them that you’ll pray for them later; and then actually remember to pray!
#5 – Compliment them Specifically
Everyone loves a compliment. It’s easy for us to get lazy with our compliments. Instead of saying, “You look nice” instead say, “I really love how the color of that dress brings out the color of your beautiful skin.” Instead of saying, “You’re so gifted” say, “when you do spoken word your gift has such a beautiful way of helping people see how to connect God’s will to their lives in a practical way.” One is easy and the other requires thought. Compliments are much better when they are specific and genuine. Take a page out of Solomon’s book who gave specific praise to his wife.
1Your eyes are like doves
behind your veil.
Your hair falls in waves,
like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead.
2 Your teeth are as white as sheep,
recently shorn and freshly washed.
Your smile is flawless,
each tooth matched with its twin.
3 Your lips are like scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is inviting.
Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates
behind your veil.
These words were healing to this woman because there is a sense that she was somewhat insecure in her appearance (SOS 1:5).
#6 – Listen to them
The final way to be a great encourager is to not say anything. Not only do most people want to be verbally encouraged, they also want and need to be heard. By our willingness to be an active listener we are communicating that we value them. The feeling of being valued provides encouragement.
SUMMARY
So, how do you become your spouse’s number one fan? ENCOURAGEMENT, ENCOURAGEMENT, ENCOURAGEMENT! When it’s genuine we can’t get enough of it. Use your words wisely to build them up.