Christians living together before marriage is becoming a more popular practice. There’s also another version of this, which I call “slick shacking,” where two people may each have their own addresses, but they spend every night together.
Christians living together before marriage: By the numbers
One reason for this is that our society is becoming increasingly skeptical of the institution of marriage. One study found that 4 out of 10 Americans think marriage is obsolete, and 45% of them believe it’s headed for total extinction.
Now, many marriage experts would say Christians living together before marriage is wise, so you can “try before you buy” or give it a test drive to see whether marriage might work. But is that effective? The statistics actually prove that it is not.
- Couples living together before marriage have a 46% higher chance of divorce than couples who don’t, according to PreachItTeachIt.org.
- Over 60% of couples who live together before marriage will not end up getting married
- Of that 40% that do get married, 5 out of 6 of them will be divorced within 3 years
- Cohabitating couples report lower levels of happiness, sexual exclusivity, and sexual satisfaction
What do the statistics reveal?
Why are these divorce statistics so high for couples that live together before marriage? After all, the common reasons couples do this seem reasonable on the surface. Financial stability. Convenience. Chance to test compatibility.
One reason is that men tend to view living together as a convenient way to have sex, and as a way to test drive the relationship, while women often view it as a step toward marriage. So couples make this investment, and that makes it more difficult to end the relationship. So they end up sliding toward marriage, rather than deciding to get married.
Also, people who live together before marriage tend to have more liberal views of marriage, viewing marriage as a much more viable option if things go badly. Divorce is more likely when a couple views marriage as a contract, not a covenant.
So what does the Bible say about Christians living together before marriage? Nothing specific. But here are some principles.
Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world.
Christians should not allow the world’s ways to influence our minds and behaviors.
Flee from sexual immorality.
Don’t put yourself in sexually tempting situations.
Avoid the very appearance of evil.
People looking at you on the outside will assume you’re having sex. Is that a good message to the world? Does that represent Christ well?
...decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.
Don’t behave in a way that could mislead another Christian brother or sister.