Can Christians have oral sex? What about anal sex? Is a Christian married couple allowed complete and total freedom in the bedroom, or are there certain types of sexual behaviors or positions that are forbidden? Some Christians will say that there are some prohibitions regarding sex within marriage.
Two of the main types that some will say are off limits are oral sex and anal sex. Now, this particular question may not apply to you if you’re not married, or if neither you nor your spouse is interested in that kind of thing. But, it is an important question for married couples, because the answer can either lock—or unlock—the couple’s freedom within marriage.
So, can Christians have oral sex or anal sex? Let’s look at what the Bible has to say about this, rather than relying on man made opinions. We want to know what God, the inventor of sex, has to say about sex. Our springboard scripture comes from Hebrews:
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Here are three questions to consider when trying to figure out what is sexually acceptable in marriage:
Is this sexual activity considered fornication or adultery?
Would the sexual activity in question cause you to commit fornication, which means sex outside of the context of marriage? Or if you’re married, are you having sex with someone who you’re not married to? By the way, this includes pornography, which is a form of adultery and sexual immorality. The Bible is clear that these are not acceptable.
Is this sexual activity making my spouse uncomfortable or pressured?
Will the sexual activity in question, whether it’s oral or anal sex, or some kind of different position, make your spouse uncomfortable? If so, the act is not acceptable.
Some might rebut this point by pointing to 1 Corinthians 7:4:
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Some interpret this to mean that a spouse can’t put sexual restrictions in marriage because their body is not their own. But keep reading, and you’ll understand why that’s incorrect:
Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent.
Clearly, it’s not just about one person’s preference, but about what both parties can agree upon.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
You have to harmonize these ideas in scripture. There is the idea that your body belongs to your spouse, and vice versa, but there’s also the principle that there must be mutual consent in marriage, and we should do nothing out of selfishness. Rather, we must make decisions with the interests of others (in this case the spouse) in mind.
Pressure and performance will always erode true physical intimacy in marriage. If you’re pressuring your spouse to do things they’re not comfortable with, you’re hurting the freedom and intimacy of your marriage, not increasing it.
That’s why you need to talk about this with someone BEFORE you marry them, so that you don’t go into the marriage with wrong expectations, leading to disappointment. You need to know what the comfort level and expectations are for the marriage ahead of time.
Is this sexual activity prohibited in scripture?
Because oral and anal sex are two very different things, we need to look at them individually. Let’s start with oral sex.
There is no specific scripture in the Bible to prohibit a married couple from expressing themselves through oral sex. In fact, there are verses in the Bible that seem to suggest that it is an acceptable practice in the marriage bed.
You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices… Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits.
You may take words like “eat” or “taste” literally, in which case this would be a proof text for you that oral sex is acceptable. Or, you may view them as symbolic words. Either way, there is no scripture that says it is a sin. This is up to the couple and their comfort level.
What does the Bible say about anal sex?
The more difficult one is anal sex. Some refer back to the Old Testament story in Genesis 19, where in Sodom you had homosexual behavior going on between men, which God prohibited later in the law.
“Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin.”
Some take that to mean that this type of activity is prohibited for every couple no matter what. But what was actually prohibited there was expressions of homosexuality—not specifically whether anal sex between a husband and wife is acceptable.
Now, we have to ask the question: Is this natural? Is it wise? When you look at basic anatomy, it seems to suggest that anal sex is not the natural function of the body. Is it healthy? Here’s some insight from Focus on the Family:
“Anal sex appears to breach the biblical concept of mutual respect and enjoyment between partners. Renowned Christian sex therapists Clifford and Joyce Penner report that the majority of women who engage in anal sex with their husbands admit that they don’t enjoy it—that they feel violated.”
A lot of times, this is how it happens. A man watches porn, and what he sees turns him on. Then he tries to pressure his wife to do what he saw on the screen. That creates problems in the marriage.
The health perspective
Here’s more from Focus on the Family, from a health perspective:
“Anal sex poses serious medical risks, including bacterial and viral infections of the vagina, penis, rectum, and anus. That’s not to mention that rectal tissue is more delicate and vulnerable to tearing and abrasion than vaginal tissue.”
Without getting too graphic, there are some serious health and safety concerns involved with anal sex. There is greater risk for infections and injuries with the practice. So if you’re going to engage in that as a married couple, you must be aware of the risks and potential problems. But make sure that you’re following the other guidelines I’ve addressed in terms of mutual agreement and unselfishness.
Conclusion: Can Christians have oral sex or anal sex? Positions other than missionary?
What about sexual positions other than missionary? Some Christians think missionary is the only acceptable position. But there’s nowhere in scripture that addresses that at all. So I want to make sure married couples know that there is freedom in this area to try different things, and enjoy the gift of sex within the confines of marriage.