There is a controversial Bible verse that tells wives to submit to your husbands. Just the thought of a woman “submitting” to a man makes many people cringe in our culture. This is an idea from the Bible that our society would dismiss as antiquated at best, and sexist at worst. But what does the apostle Paul really mean when he writes this in his letter to the church at Ephesus? Let’s break this down, and address the true meaning, as well as some common misconceptions.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
The first thing to notice here is that Paul is not saying that all women need to submit to all men. It’s telling wives to submit to their own husband.
What does the word “submit” mean?
What does this word submit mean? It’s the Greek word that means to be subject to, to willingly place yourself under someone else’s authority. It’s more than just an act, but it’s the attitude that accompanies the act.
The word was used to describe the relationship between a military leader and his troops. In the New Testament the word was used in several places.
...and He continued in subjection to them…”, referring to Jesus and His parents.
Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name.
...then the Son Himself also will be subjected to the One…, referring to Jesus’ relationship to the Father.
Misconceptions about the idea of submission
Submission does not mean that one person is more important or valuable than the other. Jesus submitted willingly to the Father, and the Holy Spirit submits to Jesus. They are equally, eternally God, yet they have different roles and work in submission to one another.
Women are not the only ones who need to submit. We are all called to submission in different ways, whether to governmental authorities or professional bosses.
Submission doesn’t mean you can’t express your opinions. If a man loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he should welcome the opinion and perspective of his wife, and allow her to freely share that and have input, even if he has the authority to make the final decision.
What is the wife’s motivation to submit?
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
A woman should not see submission to her husband as a service to him, but rather a service to God.
And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men…
The idea here is that we should work as if Jesus was our boss, and that should shape our behavior. That’s the same idea being used in terms of a wife’s submission to her husband. It’s not about him and how he acts, it’s about God.
To the degree in which a woman’s life is submitted to God, to that degree she will be able to submit herself to her husband.
What is the model for her submission?
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands.
There it is! Even if we don’t like it, it’s clear that the wife’s submission to the husband is to be the same as the church’s submission to Christ.
Check out this quote from Pastor John MacArthur:
“The wife’s supreme motive for submitting to her husband is the fact that he is the functional head in the family, just as Christ also is the head of the church. The head gives direction and the body responds. A physical body that does not respond to the direction of the head is crippled, paralyzed, or spastic. Likewise, a wife who does not properly respond to the direction of her husband manifests a serious spiritual dysfunction. On the other hand, a wife who willingly and lovingly responds to her husband’s leadership as to the Lord is an honor to her Lord, her husband, her family, her church, and herself. She is also a beautiful testimony to the Lord before and in view of the world around her.”
To what measure should a wife submit to her husband?
The debate here comes from two words at the end of verse 24:
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
The wife should submit to her husband with no limits.
In this view, the wife must obey the husband’s every command, no matter how good or bad it is. In my view, that’s too extreme and not what the Bible means when it tells wives to submit to your husbands.
The wife should submit to her husband in everything not contrary to the scriptures.
In this view she does what his will is as long as it doesn’t go against God’s word. If it does, she’s not called to submit.
The wife should submit to her husband to the degree that he loves her as Christ loved the church.
Basically, in this view her submission to the husband is only as great or small as his submission to God. The problem with this view is that it is very subjective. A wife could say she doesn’t want to submit to a husband because she doesn’t think the husband is properly submitted to God.
I believe the Bible is teaching that a wife’s submission to her husband is totally independent of his relationship to God. When you get to heaven and stand before God, you won’t be able to say that the reason you didn’t submit in certain areas is because of how the husband behaved. God will hold you accountable for what you did. The Bible means what it says when it tells wives to submit to your husbands.
As long as the husband isn’t asking the wife to sin, then it is the wife’s biblical role to follow his leadership.
In a godly marriage, submission doesn’t mean the husband goes solo and makes all the decisions without consulting the wife. If he loves the wife, he will value her and her opinions and perspectives, and humble himself to listen and consider her perspectives and strengths.
The more a wife is submitted to God, the easier it will be for her to submit yourself to a godly man.