I always thought I had a healthy self-image only to find out over time that it was actually quite unhealthy. I would assume that many of us think we have a healthy self-image. However, we may be surprised to find out that it is actually defective. In this article I want to point out 7 ways we can assess and improve our self-image and provide some scripture passages we can meditate on to combat negative thoughts that adversely affect our self-esteem.

#1 – Free Yourself from the “Performance Trap”

Many people live according to the following formula and they don’t even realize it.

MY PERFORMANCE + THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS = MY SELF WORTH.

Think about it. We assess our performance in a given area. When we perform well we feel good about ourselves. When we fail to meet our standards we don’t feel good about ourselves. Then we place much value how we believe other people perceive us. These two things drive how we see ourselves and have a major effect on how we live our lives. As long as we live according to this formula our self-image will always be defective. Concerning this attempt to be righteous before God, Paul wrote…

…though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could…I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.

Phil. 3:1-9

#2 – Stop living for the approval of others

This is HUGE! One sign of a defective self-image is someone who is in constant need for others to approve of them. The reason why this is so devastating is because you may or may not ever gain the approval of other people. And once you do, there will always be someone else you are seeking approval from. And if you’re in a relationship with someone who picks up on your need for approval they could possibly use that to their advantage to maintain control over you. The ONLY person you need approval from is God. If God approves of what you are doing then free yourself of guilt and know that it is to Him that you must answer to one day, not man.

Am I now trying to gain the approval of people, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ!

Gal. 1:10

But Peter and the apostles replied, “We must obey God rather than people.

Acts 5:29

#3 – Stop Assuming you know what People think of you

Sometimes because of how we see ourselves we can assume that other people see us the same way. Sometimes we can talk ourselves out of certain opportunities because we already believe we know what people think about us. We are often afraid of asking for things because we assume the other person doesn’t want to give it to us. I heard someone say, “when you fail to ask you are already accepting NO as the answer.” Do you see how this type of thinking can hinder you from receiving all that God has for you and damage your self-image?

Read Numbers 13 for a great story on how we assume others see us the way we see ourselves

#4 – Relinquish your need for Perfection

I struggled with this one for years and at times I still do. I had to get to the point where I gave myself permission to not be perfect. This doesn’t mean I lowered my standard of excellence. It just means that I finally understood that I wasn’t Superman. Before I gave up trying to be perfect I was so hard on myself that it was destroying my own self-image. Do your best to set high standards of excellence while at the same time give yourself the permission to be less than perfect.

#5 – Stop talking negatively about yourself

Your self-talk does indeed affect your self-image. Proverbs 4:23 says,

Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.

If you could record both verbal and mental conversations you have with yourself on a daily basis, how much of it would be negative? When you consistently degrade yourself, it hinders you from believing in who God created you to be and what you can do if God moves in and through you. Study God’s word and replace those negative thoughts about yourself with thoughts of truth.

In all things I am more than a conqueror…

Rom. 8:37

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Ps. 139:14

#6 – Stop Defining yourself by your Failures

Failure is a part of life. Accept it and learn from it. Don’t think you are worse than someone else because of your failures. This is a trick of the enemy. The reason you feel this way is because you don’t know the failures of others. You see the smile on their face, their fancy car, and their beautiful family and assume your failures are worse than theirs. When you focus on your failures you will start to believe that you don’t deserve to receive good. You’ll start to think that you don’t deserve God’s blessings. You’ll see every negative thing that happens to you as a punishment from God for your past instead of accepting God’s forgiveness and grace. Don’t focus on your failures. Instead, redirect that energy to thank God for His grace and mercy.

Although a righteous person may fall seven times, HE GETS UP AGAIN,

Proverbs 24:16

#7 – Stop allowing what Happened to you in the Past to Define you

Unfortunately many people have been victims of abuse, infidelity, or other painful experiences. If we are not careful we may begin to feel as though we may have done something to deserve what was done to us. Instead of seeking to be free from them we start to accept them as a part of who we are. And this leads to shame. And shame leads to a defective self-image. No child asks to be abused. No person deserves to be cheated on no matter how poorly they treat the other person. Do not believe the lies the enemy will try to plant in your mind to keep you feeling like a victim instead of a victor.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have attained this. Instead I am single-minded: Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead,
Philipians 3:13

SUMMARY

It is God’s will that we see ourselves the way He does. I hope that by providing this list you will be more aware when you see yourself thinking negatively and as a result you’ll be on your way to a healthier self-image.